Monday, January 22, 2007
Yup yup.. i return to this familiar space called my own. It's been a while indeed. Much has happen, some good, some bad, some current, some interesting and not. Where does one begin after so long. I've had so much to say about 2006 and what's in store for 2007 but then again, i do wonder, who is going to read this anyway?
Maybe it's all for my own record, since there may be an biography written one day and at least this will remain on record.
Let's see.. 2006. It was a crazy year, then again, it always is like that anyway. Love came and love left. Work was constant if not excessive. Finally did the sinus surgery and i can breathe again, so i thought. Long hair to short. Sexiness to Superstardom. Parties and invitations spilt from all corners and my calendar was super full. Yeah, it was fun mixed with a pepper dash of spicy sadness here and there. I'm contemplating and reflecting back and so far, i'm starting to wonder if i'm turning into a depressive maniac or simply bored with what the social and love scene has to offer. Will write more on this later. The travel front brought about many interesting destinations due to work, love and leisure, which i am thankful for and of course looking forward to more this year.
Part of the reason of absence here is attributed to work. Loads of it. Working my day job which consumed the mammoth tasks of clearing a backlog that haunted me until the very end of 2006. All this while battling the sinus and sleep apnea related health problems and balancing a very sticky environment with management about timeliness. Yes, I know i am in the wrong by not following the contractual obligations of reporting in early and leaving the office like other clockwork robots but hey, check the time sheets and you'll find that i was working longer hours than many in the office. Not to mention that our team was in need of additions. Maybe the work wasn't as challenging anymore and i lost my motivation somewhere. I needed a mental intellectual arousal that never came.
What is the point of putting yourself through 45-60 minutes of stressful idiotic Malaysian drivers and traffic jams when the journey is less than 10 minutes at other times? That's 35 minutes of petrol being saved up and not polluting the environment with gas and heat and adding to engine wear. What is the big deal about everyone must be at work at 9am or else! Like the whole business world is going to collapse if you are late, even by a few hours and as if you're not there for the rest of the day to do whatever that needs to be done with me anyways. In this day an age, much thanks to technology, work cultures are changing from the traditional boxed up mentality championed by old militarian style guards to a more liberating and mobile approach. Especially when creativity is needed in challenging the new.
Yes the stress levels were clearly up and that adds to the problems. I wished i could vent out everything here but at the risk of a scandal, i think i better reserve the thoughts to myself. A restraining skill i've begun to acquire and practice of late. I'm still battling a health problem and it wasn't intentional to be tardy. I may still have to go for another round of the surgery. Speaking of which, my dad is also going for a heart related surgery thingy tomorrow. Hope he makes it through.
Few really knew about what i was going through personally, internally, physically, mentally, medically and i don't blame anyone for not asking. I did after all put on my poker face to mask it all. Had to. Everyone has their own set of problems anyways. I can say that i had to be reminded about priorities the hard way. I had to focus on my work despite dealing with a rough blow to the heart simply because, my job and reputation was on the line if i wasn't.
It would have been manageable had we not included the ambitious "Remember Series" events under my private publication initiative. Yes, if a day job wasn't enough, then try juggling a few other outside commitments as well. People expect things and you have a responsibility to commit to delivering. Failure to do so can instantly damage credibility. It was exhaustive but worth the experience as the memories we created for many were priceless. Juice Magazine nominated it as one of The Best Series for 2006 in their recent polls. Sweet. It spawned a whole trend of other bootleg events bringing back the grand sound of yesteryears.
I am dissapointed that the clubbing scene is going through a weird phase as well, so far in 2007. It's almost like a state of confusion and monotony that has everyone in a trance like state to not bother to experience the new and move away from the familiar. Puzzling. More dissapointing is the fact that close friends don't even bother to support once in a while and rather go back to the same weekly thing week in weekend out as if there's no other options.
On matters of the heart, well, it's a long story. I never really said much about it and in a weird way, keeping busy, fasting month prayers and time eventually revealed the questions that i needed answers to and brought me back to heal. Frankly, at current time looking back, as many before me, i was blinded. It's all an illusion filled with manipulative, deceit, betrayal, pretence and insincerity now. I'm not saying out of hurt, but more of what is a lot clearer to me now through investigations and predictability in character observation. I wrote a few songs in that moment of hurt, a long letter questioning and venting out the pain then which never reached the intended recipient. The drowning love songs which i didn't have the time to compile. The restrain and hesitation to run and do what ever it took to win her back. Just like that, it all slipped away and time revealed truth through prayers. I'm actually strangely happy and ok about it. Moved on. There will be others coming along as time also quickly revealed.
Which brings me to a troubling thought that's been harbouring in my sleep and mind the past few weeks and compounded by an article i read in The Sunday Star, the weddings i attended in the last few weeks and talking to my company secretary this afternoon. This has something to do with Men and Women relations of course, and how both sides are now getting more and more demanding of what they want from or expect to have to qualify for and from each other. It's sad really, because the barriers are higher than ever for anything to fruitfully start, the discounting and audit has begun even before the first hello, the time available for discovery is also getting more and more limited due to work and less dependancy. It's turning into fast food love.
Now don't get me wrong, i'm not really talking about my own personal state of affairs but the patterns that i've been observing. Trust me, i am damn good at observing, understanding and setting trends before it happens. That's my job and ability like someone able to explain global warming trends based on key indicative signs. I can say it because weirdly enough, i fall into the statistic and so do others around me. We are getting pickier and more obsessed questioning about, if there even is the actual need for love and consequentially commitments after all. Hmm, much disturbing thoughts i fear on this. Contemplate more on this Joda will. Hehehe. (Sorry, just went through all 6 episodes of Star Wars)
Anyways 2007 is here and a Happy New Year to you all. What's in store? Well i don't really know for sure. There's lots to do definitely. I'm getting that jittery feeling that it's going to be another crazy year. New responsibilities work wise, new partnerships private business wise, new brands to grow, new industries to dive into, new ventures, new hott personal look, new attitude and ambition, new office work wise, new laptop, new challenges, new friends, new relationships, new sound DJ'ing wise and songs produced remixes wise, new destinations, new adventures, yup.. all that lined up already while we're still in January. 2006 was a year that i worked so hard to get through and it sure looks like an interesting year of that again. Bring it on.
I'll be back here.
P.s: For those waiting and craving to eat my Nasi Minyak, let me know in advance and i'll cook it for you. Marriage offers welcomed but as mentioned, i fall into the statistic, i may be picky. Expiry for offers and application, submit by 2009. (I'm just doing what most of you women do, finding the partner is the last part of the wedding and marriage puzzle)
J ;)
Maybe it's all for my own record, since there may be an biography written one day and at least this will remain on record.
Let's see.. 2006. It was a crazy year, then again, it always is like that anyway. Love came and love left. Work was constant if not excessive. Finally did the sinus surgery and i can breathe again, so i thought. Long hair to short. Sexiness to Superstardom. Parties and invitations spilt from all corners and my calendar was super full. Yeah, it was fun mixed with a pepper dash of spicy sadness here and there. I'm contemplating and reflecting back and so far, i'm starting to wonder if i'm turning into a depressive maniac or simply bored with what the social and love scene has to offer. Will write more on this later. The travel front brought about many interesting destinations due to work, love and leisure, which i am thankful for and of course looking forward to more this year.
Part of the reason of absence here is attributed to work. Loads of it. Working my day job which consumed the mammoth tasks of clearing a backlog that haunted me until the very end of 2006. All this while battling the sinus and sleep apnea related health problems and balancing a very sticky environment with management about timeliness. Yes, I know i am in the wrong by not following the contractual obligations of reporting in early and leaving the office like other clockwork robots but hey, check the time sheets and you'll find that i was working longer hours than many in the office. Not to mention that our team was in need of additions. Maybe the work wasn't as challenging anymore and i lost my motivation somewhere. I needed a mental intellectual arousal that never came.
What is the point of putting yourself through 45-60 minutes of stressful idiotic Malaysian drivers and traffic jams when the journey is less than 10 minutes at other times? That's 35 minutes of petrol being saved up and not polluting the environment with gas and heat and adding to engine wear. What is the big deal about everyone must be at work at 9am or else! Like the whole business world is going to collapse if you are late, even by a few hours and as if you're not there for the rest of the day to do whatever that needs to be done with me anyways. In this day an age, much thanks to technology, work cultures are changing from the traditional boxed up mentality championed by old militarian style guards to a more liberating and mobile approach. Especially when creativity is needed in challenging the new.
Yes the stress levels were clearly up and that adds to the problems. I wished i could vent out everything here but at the risk of a scandal, i think i better reserve the thoughts to myself. A restraining skill i've begun to acquire and practice of late. I'm still battling a health problem and it wasn't intentional to be tardy. I may still have to go for another round of the surgery. Speaking of which, my dad is also going for a heart related surgery thingy tomorrow. Hope he makes it through.
Few really knew about what i was going through personally, internally, physically, mentally, medically and i don't blame anyone for not asking. I did after all put on my poker face to mask it all. Had to. Everyone has their own set of problems anyways. I can say that i had to be reminded about priorities the hard way. I had to focus on my work despite dealing with a rough blow to the heart simply because, my job and reputation was on the line if i wasn't.
It would have been manageable had we not included the ambitious "Remember Series" events under my private publication initiative. Yes, if a day job wasn't enough, then try juggling a few other outside commitments as well. People expect things and you have a responsibility to commit to delivering. Failure to do so can instantly damage credibility. It was exhaustive but worth the experience as the memories we created for many were priceless. Juice Magazine nominated it as one of The Best Series for 2006 in their recent polls. Sweet. It spawned a whole trend of other bootleg events bringing back the grand sound of yesteryears.
I am dissapointed that the clubbing scene is going through a weird phase as well, so far in 2007. It's almost like a state of confusion and monotony that has everyone in a trance like state to not bother to experience the new and move away from the familiar. Puzzling. More dissapointing is the fact that close friends don't even bother to support once in a while and rather go back to the same weekly thing week in weekend out as if there's no other options.
On matters of the heart, well, it's a long story. I never really said much about it and in a weird way, keeping busy, fasting month prayers and time eventually revealed the questions that i needed answers to and brought me back to heal. Frankly, at current time looking back, as many before me, i was blinded. It's all an illusion filled with manipulative, deceit, betrayal, pretence and insincerity now. I'm not saying out of hurt, but more of what is a lot clearer to me now through investigations and predictability in character observation. I wrote a few songs in that moment of hurt, a long letter questioning and venting out the pain then which never reached the intended recipient. The drowning love songs which i didn't have the time to compile. The restrain and hesitation to run and do what ever it took to win her back. Just like that, it all slipped away and time revealed truth through prayers. I'm actually strangely happy and ok about it. Moved on. There will be others coming along as time also quickly revealed.
Which brings me to a troubling thought that's been harbouring in my sleep and mind the past few weeks and compounded by an article i read in The Sunday Star, the weddings i attended in the last few weeks and talking to my company secretary this afternoon. This has something to do with Men and Women relations of course, and how both sides are now getting more and more demanding of what they want from or expect to have to qualify for and from each other. It's sad really, because the barriers are higher than ever for anything to fruitfully start, the discounting and audit has begun even before the first hello, the time available for discovery is also getting more and more limited due to work and less dependancy. It's turning into fast food love.
Now don't get me wrong, i'm not really talking about my own personal state of affairs but the patterns that i've been observing. Trust me, i am damn good at observing, understanding and setting trends before it happens. That's my job and ability like someone able to explain global warming trends based on key indicative signs. I can say it because weirdly enough, i fall into the statistic and so do others around me. We are getting pickier and more obsessed questioning about, if there even is the actual need for love and consequentially commitments after all. Hmm, much disturbing thoughts i fear on this. Contemplate more on this Joda will. Hehehe. (Sorry, just went through all 6 episodes of Star Wars)
Anyways 2007 is here and a Happy New Year to you all. What's in store? Well i don't really know for sure. There's lots to do definitely. I'm getting that jittery feeling that it's going to be another crazy year. New responsibilities work wise, new partnerships private business wise, new brands to grow, new industries to dive into, new ventures, new hott personal look, new attitude and ambition, new office work wise, new laptop, new challenges, new friends, new relationships, new sound DJ'ing wise and songs produced remixes wise, new destinations, new adventures, yup.. all that lined up already while we're still in January. 2006 was a year that i worked so hard to get through and it sure looks like an interesting year of that again. Bring it on.
I'll be back here.
P.s: For those waiting and craving to eat my Nasi Minyak, let me know in advance and i'll cook it for you. Marriage offers welcomed but as mentioned, i fall into the statistic, i may be picky. Expiry for offers and application, submit by 2009. (I'm just doing what most of you women do, finding the partner is the last part of the wedding and marriage puzzle)
J ;)
